- One girl gave Bret a rap read off the back of STD pamphlets
- The same girl took a shot out of another girl's vagina -- on the same night!!!
- Another girl lay drunk and sobbing on a speed bump
- One chick gave Bret a piercing from somewhere on her body and told him that when he got to know her better, he could find out where that piercing belonged -- wow
- A porn star stole everybody's dirty hockey socks after a challenge for no discernible reason
- And Ashley and Farrah existed.
Oh, Ashley and Farrah. Between Farrah's deliciously addictive catchphrase: "What the french?" and her giant circus tits, she was a fountain of hilarity. And Ashley ... well, you just haven't lived until you've seen Ashley, plowed beyond belief, trying to cook a Lean Cuisine. It's such a simple thing, but by God, it's TV magic. Magic.
But now, all the skanky girls are gone. No more cellophane outfits. No more black censor bars. No more Ashley howling, "I WANT A CHEESEBURGER!" They're gone. And now the show is boring as shit, with the two blandest, most irritating bitches left, and I don't even care who wins anymore. Will it be Mindy, with her mood swings? Or will it be Taya, Penthouse pet (and suspected stripper), whose personality is as fake as her tits? I don't even care anymore. You hear me, VH1? I DON'T CARE.
But I'll watch the damn finale anyway, just because there's nothing better on Sunday nights. And I'm totally there for the reunion, because you KNOW someone always gets in a fight.
I swear, I enjoy more intellectual forms of entertainment. Really. I do. :)