Sunday, April 5, 2009

Rock of Lame

You know, people make fun of Rock of Love Bus with Bret Michaels. And that's fair, because this show is the single most ridiculous, filthy, disgusting guilty pleasure on television right now -- and I love every sleazy second of it. Call me awful, call me a fool, but by God, this show is awesome on so many levels and those who scoff at it are missing out on some of the best free entertainment out there. I mean, this season alone ...
  • One girl gave Bret a rap read off the back of STD pamphlets
  • The same girl took a shot out of another girl's vagina -- on the same night!!!
  • Another girl lay drunk and sobbing on a speed bump
  • One chick gave Bret a piercing from somewhere on her body and told him that when he got to know her better, he could find out where that piercing belonged -- wow
  • A porn star stole everybody's dirty hockey socks after a challenge for no discernible reason
  • And Ashley and Farrah existed.
Oh, Ashley and Farrah. Between Farrah's deliciously addictive catchphrase: "What the french?" and her giant circus tits, she was a fountain of hilarity. And Ashley ... well, you just haven't lived until you've seen Ashley, plowed beyond belief, trying to cook a Lean Cuisine. It's such a simple thing, but by God, it's TV magic. Magic.

But now, all the skanky girls are gone. No more cellophane outfits. No more black censor bars. No more Ashley howling, "I WANT A CHEESEBURGER!" They're gone. And now the show is boring as shit, with the two blandest, most irritating bitches left, and I don't even care who wins anymore. Will it be Mindy, with her mood swings? Or will it be Taya, Penthouse pet (and suspected stripper), whose personality is as fake as her tits? I don't even care anymore. You hear me, VH1? I DON'T CARE.

But I'll watch the damn finale anyway, just because there's nothing better on Sunday nights. And I'm totally there for the reunion, because you KNOW someone always gets in a fight.

I swear, I enjoy more intellectual forms of entertainment. Really. I do. :)


Lady Sarcasm said...

Ah I tripe bypass heart that show! I'm all for Mindy winning, but feel Taya would be the better choice. Who knows maybe taking them to the Dominican will lighten them up eh? :)

PersicaPit said...

@Lady Sarcasm -- Thank God I'm not alone in my sick, twisted love for this show! It's raunchy, it's disgusting, it's kinda (really) demeaning towards women, and it's super entertaining. I'm hooked. I hope a trip to the Dominican cheers these mopey girls up, because I'm tired of them being all dour and whiny. This is ROCK OF LOVE, girls, not Sober House. Now, put on your stripper costumes, down a bottle of tequila, and start pulling some extensions out! Jeez, you'd think they'd never watched VH-1 before ... ;)

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